We had a run in with a snake a couple of days ago. By ‘snake’ I meant a real snake – not a lawyer(thank goodness for that). Anyway, we have a zero tolerance policy towards snakes.
My cat spotted the snake first. It was lazily surveying the serpent thinking whether it needs to get into a rat-sharing arrangement with the snake. This is when my brother spotted it. He was the one who raised the alarm.
Soon my father and I joined the hunt. My father had a reputation of being a ‘snake slayer’. He used to tell tales of the many snakes he killed in his youth. Conveniently, all this alledged snake murders happened before me or my brother were born – so we have no ways to verify his claims.
Together, we soon drew our battle plans – I was Ariel reconnaissance. I was to get on the terrace and try to spot the reptile. Before long, we concluded that it was hiding under a bunch of leaves. Armed with this intelligence, we began the concussion bombing. That is, we threw bricks at it.
When sustained bombing did not produce the intended result, we turned to incendiary bombs. We lit a few old newspapers and dropped it on the hiding place. Don’t worry about the newspaper – it was Malayala Manorama. Burning is the best use for that publication – perhaps even the only use.
After a few minutes, the snake decided that the current location was too ‘hot’. It beat a strategic retreat to another location. We tried following it – but it slipped through our defenses. There is a network of underground tunnels under our house that rats share with this snake. Once it gets into any of these caves, the chances of catching it approaches zero fast. So we decided to give up the search.
We are waiting for it to release a video footage from one of its underground bunkers to the media.